Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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