Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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