And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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