I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
