I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
