I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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