if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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