theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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