Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
