Where did you get a picture of my penis
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you had me at cake vodka
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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