I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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