hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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