Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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