Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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