It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
