remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you didnt know i had herpes?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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