You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
