i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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