I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
