she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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