Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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