Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
