her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
