she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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