Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
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