my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
