wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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