Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm both gender and math confused
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
