I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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