Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
