my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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