i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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