OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
