I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the condom got lost in my hair
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
When are your genitals available?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize