i permit you to call me
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
