I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
