Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
operation have a gay friend backfired
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
