you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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