Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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