i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
