Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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