Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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