Me too!
i was born a porn star she said
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
