don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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