I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
