You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
