So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
