drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
