I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
