So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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